I took my daughter in for her check up last week. Everything seemed fine until he got to listening to her heart. He kept on listening and listening; and having her switch positions; and listening more. Having done several child checkups before I knew this wasn’t normal. I started getting really worried. He was listening for so long!
Finally he asked me if she’d ever had any heart problems. I said no. He said she had a murmur. One that sounded like a Stills Murmur. One that is supposed to go away in a couple years. No big deal. But we'd better make sure it isn't anything serious.
He ordered an EKG and an xray to be done. I wasn’t too worried, but was nervous. We did the EKG and xray and got a call from our pediatrician the next night. EKG came back fine. But the xray showed an enlarged heart. Which means something is causing her heart to not function properly. Can be really serious or not that big of a deal. Most often it is curable.
So tomorrow I have to take my daughter in to a pediatric cardiologist. He will probably order more tests. Including one in which my daughter will have to stay completely still for 45 minutes. She is two. And VERY active. Not going to happen. And this terrifies me but they will probably have to use anesthesia. I don’t know if I’ll be able to watch that. I have tried to think of every solution to keeping her still… movie(s)… candy … teddy bears…books… ANYTHING. I don’t want them to do that. But could I keep her still for 45 minutes? 30 minutes at the most.
Precious moments in life <3
Is my heart broken and aching? Yes. I know that there are so many things that could go wrong. And it terrifies me. It’s one thing for an adult. That is stronger. But my little two year old? I am so scared. I am trying so hard not to think about what could happen, but what I need to do for her. How I need to be strong for her. So SHE doesn’t get scared. But I’m still scared.
But I do know this. Whatever happens I KNOW that I am going to be with my family forever. That death isn’t the end. That I will get to see all the wonderful people that have passed away again. It is comforting and really the only thing keeping me sane right now. I am so grateful that I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and for the plan of Happiness. For the Lord that was crucified so we could live with Him again.
So. We will get through this. I love you sweetie.